respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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