If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
