I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize