Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
