I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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