how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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