i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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