I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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