and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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