I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
