Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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