We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
