you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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