I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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