You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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