my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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