he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
