I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
