Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
