; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
