sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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