As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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