i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
