My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
