Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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