If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
