Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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