This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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