People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
