I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
