dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Alive.
So much puke
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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