Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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