bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
