My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
