mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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