Don't you send me to vm
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
