Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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