these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
