My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
love makes seman taste better
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
