It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
