Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
