My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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