I just pynch a tree in the face
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
