I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
