You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
