Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
