4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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