guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I smell stomach acid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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