Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am available for nakedness
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
