Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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