Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My bed smells like the plague
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
