The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
