oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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