my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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