I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
