you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
