Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
