The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
