he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
