the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
