i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize