Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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