Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
