jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
