I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
