Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
