Duck Duck Cougar?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize