So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize