I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
