I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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