butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
