Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
