I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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