Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You are the jesus of drinking
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize