so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
