i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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