They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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