She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
