I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
