After last night, I could never be a politician.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
