I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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