Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
