I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
