Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
